Don't Make Me Sing...

I love to karaoke. Don't be fooled by that statement.  This doesn't mean I can sing.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.  William Hung sounds like Michael Buble next to me (I have been wanting to reference William Hung for YEARS).  I like to karaoke because I like to humiliate myself - not because I can sing. 


At a recent audition I was tested on this statement. After walking into the room, the casting director asked if I could sing.  I smiled, and said "No, but I LOVE to karaoke!" He must have misinterpreted that with "Yes, I am an aspiring singer who dreams of being on the X Factor" (common mistake).


After the meat of the audition was over, he asked "Now, use the phone you are holding as a microphone and sing ANY song."


Lord love a duck.


I went through my mental song catalog and for whatever reason the only song I could remember was Journey's 'Don't Stop Believing'.  I hate myself for this obvious girl choice. After belting out the chorus - twice - I was finally stopped.  Thinking that the humiliation had come to a close, I was taken off guard when the casting director then asked "So, this imaginary band that you are signing in, what's their name?" 

WTF? Their name?


I quickly spouted out "The Impressionist".  


In my mind "The Impressionists" are a band of painters who go up on stage with their canvas and evoke the music through their brush strokes. Who wants to see that?!


At this point I'm thinking that the audition must be over - right? Wrong. The casting director then asks me a final question, "In your band, The Impressionists, what is your hit song called?"


Lord kill me now. (In your mind read this as Adam Sandler from the Zagats SNL skit)


I simply reply "Speechless".